hmmmmm

I seem to space from this a lot, sorry! i guess it's been a busy last few day's/week's. I have been working a lot lately, and then dealing with car stuff, along with some stuff with friend's. See, for a few month's now I've had these two really good friend's and i grew sort of distant from one of them and closer to the other. But lately it's switched around, I'm slowly growing closer to the other, and distant from the other/: don't get me wrong i love being close to one, i just wish i wasn't growing so distant from the other. Maybe he wants to be distant.....eh i don't know. I always think to much. I guess maybe he just doesn't wanna be as close as we used to be, oh well/:

"If that boy don't love you by now, He will never ever never ever love you"

Ugh horrible last 24 hour's, i cant even explain. Well i suppose i could but i really dont want to. Let's just say i made a stupid decision, but yet i know that it had to be done. I told one of my best friend's something and ya.... now i just feel really stupid for it. Now i have no idea what so ever to say to him, i feel stupid enough. Anything else i say will just make me sound even dumber. It's not that i dont wanna talk to him, i just dont have a clue what to say to him, or what to even do. Ugh kill me/:

hi hi(:

So my nail's are pretty much gone. I've been biting them so much the last two or three days, they're down to the nub now. Of course my dork self looked it up, and it say's that you chew your nail's mainly when your nervous or stressed out :/ ugh! I guess i have been pretty stressed out lately but i usually never bite my nail's till recently. (My phone keeps vibrating hmmmm) haha just thought I'd add that ;P
I'm trying to learn the song "Butterfly fly away" from Miley Cyrus, like singing it, and for some reason I'm having a lot of difficulties doing so. I cant seem to remember the lyrics. Plus, my best friend doesn't know bout my bf.....i haven't told them yet, i will sometime soon though. I just want to make sure it's actually going to work before i start telling really. Not much to write today, sorry! Maybe something tomorrow(: bye!

"Dont Walk Away"(:

Geez I've spaced from this lol. I seem to do that a lot lately, not just with this but in general really. Haha it's hard to explain, i guess it's something you'd have to see in person :P.
I seem to be in a good mood, probably cause lately I've been able to write a lot of song's, and I'm probably going to write another one after this. I got some inspiration today right after 2nd block so i think I'll use it. Other than song's really, i wish i could say nothing has been going on but yet it has, ummmm i found my best friend after school crying her eyes out. That went well :/ so me being me i made everything better (or at least attempted to) and offered to buy her pie(: She rejected): lol! My biology class watched Madagascar 2 in class today O.o I have no idea what that movie has to do with anything but oh well, i went to ROTC for most of that block and just chillaxed down there till after school. Rumor's kill me, I ask someone about a rumor and if it's true && suddenly I'm accusing them of doing it -.- ugh life! On Saturday night I went to a sweet 16 & it was alright but it really was not that much fun on the person's behalf. I think i saw her a total of two times the entire night, the rest of the night she was with people from her school, or she was on the phone. Really???? Sorry but that just bugs me, how are you going to throw a party and then be on the phone most of the time ignoring the guest's that actually showed up??? ugh whatever, it's over now(: But i hung out with two of my friend's from another school, and then two other people from my school. Between the five of us it was absolutely insane(: Not sure if this has any importance or if I'm just being dramatic, but one of my best friend's and i haven't been so well lately, and I'm really not sure what to do about it. We fought a lot at first, and now were barely talking, and if we do talk he gives like one word answers....ugh! I dunno what to do, we didn't talk to much today but we somewhat are currently talking. I can just tell, thing's are different between us lately :/
Not sure what else to write, so peace outskies for now!

"If i never knew you..."

Today has seriously been the absolute worst day in so long. I did such a bitchy thing after school to one of my friend's. Actually i should int even call him my friend, he's way too good for me. I cant believe i did that, i should have just come out and said what i wanted. Oh well, i wish i could take it back, but my time machine is in the shop (jay kay!). I don't blame him at all if he never speak's to me again. If i was him i would never talk to me again. I took him for granted, and as usual i acted without thinking and was being stupid. Ugh! :/

"Youse a hoe...Youse a hoe....Youse a hoe...I think dat youse a hoe!" (:

so today was pretty good till about an hour ago. Tonight i went to a movie with 4 maybe 6 of my friends and it was alot of fun actually. Till after the movie me and my best friend were standing by the door when i saw one of my other "best friends" (that's a guy.) walk out of a movie with the sophmore slut. Hmmmm let's think bout this a little bit shall we? 9pm, Dark movie, sophmore slut, drove her home......haha youse a hoe! Now im somewhat pissed off but also relaxed because im staying at my best friends house tonight and she's pissed at um too. haha best friends hate who the other hates. Oh welllllzzzzzzzzzz! she's a hoe and idc (:

"When i look into those beautiful eyes..."

Yesterday was such a long day! I woke up at 4am so that i could be at my school by 5:10 to do a 5k run with 15 other people (including our commander). I got 3rd place for my female age group. Woop? I felt dumb when they called my name to go get the trophy cause i just sort of sat there for a minute before realizing what was actually going on xP. We ended up missing our first classes and we got to school right when 2nd block started. We all had passes from our 1st&&2nd block teachers saying that we could miss those classes though so we all stayed down at ROTC. My friend and i pretty much fell asleep in one of the classes when we were down there during 2nd block, we were so tired. 3rd block i got a pass from my teacher and went back to ROTC haha and just chillaxed. Went to two out of three of the lunches just so we could see people. Then me and five other kids in ROTC decided to skip our last classes (4th block) and go back to rotc haha! So we, and two kids from the gym class, went out on the soccer field that's right outside the ROTC door and just played soccer pretty much the entire hour. One of my friend's got caught though skipping by their teacher and called our commander who sent them back to class. Elle oh elle x) it was pretty funny. Bout 14-20 minutes before school got out my friend and i went back inside because soccer became boring and just hung out in the ROTC hall. Another one of my really good friends was down their with their math class doing something for Pi Day. Everytime they went by me they kept kicking me -.- so not nice! lol but oh welllzzzzzz. After school hung out with 2 of my friends till like 6:40ish? Then went to go hang out with another friend and that was fun. Hung out listened to music, saw a snake -.- (PS People im terrified of snakes! I always have been, but it's something that i am trying to get over. Just not going to well so far xP) Met back up with my other two friends at around 9ish. Went back to one of their houses and that's where i've been since. Sitting in my friend's bed while she's at work haha! But meeting up with her around 1ish i think cause i have to go to saturday school with her (V.V) then another soccer game(:

“I got a disease deep inside me, makes me feel uneasy, baby I cant live without you tell me what am I supposed to do about it?”

Two day's in a row? That's pretty tight! Haha not quite sure what to write today though. I guess a lot has happened but I'm not entirely sure how to put it all into words. First block was so lame, we read Caesar.....again. Second block was just a full out pretty awkward time, was supposed to go to the library to work on a math project.....never made it. Kept getting distracted -.- Third block was lame as well, i got to just mess around outside on the track. During lunch i went to my fourth block teacher and got him to sign me a pass to let me go BACK to my 2nd/3rd block classes xP haha. At my school we have a program called NJROTC (Rotc for short) or (Navy Junior Reserve Officer Training Core) woop woop navy! Anyway lol, ROTC happened to be my second and third classes today and i went back during fourth because i didn't wanna go to biology. Fun thing is that i guess the people in my Bio class asked my teacher where i was and he told them that i got into a fight with another girl and so i got taken away -.- (not at all true) so most of them have been texting and asking me about it haha. Been a good day mostly, except one of my friend's has been aggravating me so much lately. I have no idea why, I'm not irritable cause no one else bugs me, its just this one particular person. I went most of yesterday without talking to them for multiple reasons, and today we talked for most of the day, :/ They constantlly tell me that im their "friend" but i know im just the person they like's "best friend." Pretty cool right? Ya, i thought so too. Ugh! Whatever, three more months.

Ugh day :/

Geez i have spaced off from this lately. Sorry! I guess a lot has been going on lately but at the same time not much has happened. I guess it's somewhat hard to explain. I'm in trouble at home so I'm being watched somewhat closely . Once again it's hard to explain and kind of personal. So, last night i went to my schools soccer game against Prep (we won!) yippie! hehe, and during it I sat with two of my friends, and two of my ex-boyfriends. Also texted one of my friend's most of the game, that started out well, but didn't end to well. Not in a fight but i didn't go to sleep smiling. He told me some thing's that really should not upset me, and yet the do, a lot! It's all I've been thinking about since 10:00 PM last night. I'm not at all sure what to do. I know that i care and that personally i am close to him, but maybe i care to much. How close is close enough?

"Im falling even more in love with you..."

Ugh havent written much last few days, dont remember to much of the last few days. Dont really wanna remember either. Haha so, last night went to youth, and i love it so much! god is amazing x). But im starting to figure out that one of my closest friend's really isint someone i should be hanging out with. They're just not a good influence, lately they've been stealing, skipping school, and smoking weed. I can understand skipping school one or twice a month (cause i've done it) but this is every week, even sometimes more than once a week. They'res no excuse for weed, that's discuting. I really dont want to put myself in a position that i shouldint be in. I hope i dont sound selfish by saying any of this, it's just what i feel. My youth pastor talked about a week ago about realizing who in your life is good and whos bad. Since then i've been examining the people in my life very closely, trying to see whos good or not. I've only figured out one that's actually bad. Haha today was entertaining for everyone BUT me. I ended up loosing my voice for most of the day, its starting to come back, but my throat feel's like its on fire. Ugh, im probablly getting sick again, really hope not.

"would you one time let me be myself...?"

Pretty basic day today, wore uniform, went to all my classes. Stressed at the library most of 3rd block trying to finish an entire english 2 project V.V hehe i finished and turned it in after school :) Plus my biology teacher told me that if i didint bring my biology book on thursday he'd send me to RRR (detention). Dang -.- Hopefully tonight will be good, really hope so :)

"Lately im so tired of waiting for you..."

Ugh! Life has definitely not been my friend lately. Last 2 or 3 day's have just been a full out roller coaster. All good, then bad, then amazing, boring, good, and now it's just confusing. I wonder is i should just come out and tell him. Too bad i'm worried about if thing's between us are going to change, i'm pretty sure they will. I just wonder how much they'll change =/.

My Fascinatin Day :P

So, it was odd when i woke up today it was 6am and i was in my kitchen...lol so i went upstairs to my room and went back to sleep till like 9 or 10. Then around 12ish i went and got 2 of my friends and then went and got 2 more of my friends, and one of their little sisters. So i had a total of 6 people in my car, including myself. My car fits 5 :P so one of my friends went in the trunk lol! We went all over, we went to walmart and got a thing to hook my ipod up to my car so that it would play lol, 2 of my friends tryed to get it to work and failed lol. Drove to CVS, and ran around hehe. Then all went to the animal shelter and met one of my best friends there. We all hung out and played with the dogs, cats, puppies, so cute! hehe. Plus, 1 of my friends was there with her sister looking at dog's to adopt. We were in a cage with two little puppies and the friend that met us there was holding one of the puppies and it started biting him, and grabbed on his shirt lol! Then the two puppies started fighting right on top of him lol, i felt so bad/scared for him lol. Then around 3ish i had to take 2 of my friends home, so we all left and i hugged my friend bye and went to my car. And as i drove away i looked back and noticed he was standing outside of his car looking at it and was mad, then he was behind me and still looked mad. So i texted and asked what's wrong and he told me. So i dropt all my friends off and went to look at what happened (hehe my secret x] ) Wasent as bad as i was thinking it was, then....my favorite part.... I put my keys in my car right, and went to go give them a hug good bye and my car locked, with my keys inside -.- that would happen to me, especially since a black cat crossed my path at the animal shelter. So i was unhappy lol, and he went and pushed the door completely shut, it was slightly open. And then opened the door, i was baffled. Came all the way home, just to go back out to get dinner. Then came home, once again! And now here i am :)

"My Millionaire Night" :P

Last night was really really good. I loved it. Went to a movie with one of my best friend's! And the movie was really really long, but was an amazing movie, totally worth it. Might go see it again, it was seriously that good. Other than that just a lot of stuff after the movie that i was insanely happy with. Really hope it happens again ;)

Weirdo English Class

So, usually in my english class lately weve been doing poetry & writing about heroes but, today we watched Shrek. Sophmore in high school and we're watching shrek. All my friend's tell me im like Donkey. "I like that boulder, that is a nice boulder!" hehe xD. I decided that because of the fact that i had a really bad night last night i was going to try to have a good day today. So, im trying to be in a good mood. Wether it's real or not, mainly not. One good thing about my english teacher is that she is really chill! She usually let's us text in class, as long as she isint talking to us. So, i decided to text one of my friend's, who seemed a bit upset when i saw her before class. High school drama again V.V oh my gosh! i abdolutely love the song in shrek when Donkey & Shrek first get to Duloc. lol! It's hilarious. Very entertaining. You can see why my friend's think i am Donkey lol. Well that's all for now, Probablly write more later, peace! =)

"but i dont think your ganna change..."

Pretty much anyone that know's me, know's that i can not stand liars! I try my hardest to not lie to my friends, and im usually succesful. But my teachers/parents are a whole other story ;P. Lately everyone has been lying, and for some odd reason yall (yes i say yall) don't think that i catch you. Like ha, tonight i found out that one of my "closest friends" lied. Im not using names, i never do. They told me one thing last week and then a completely different thing today. Cause i deffinitly don't remember what you said (ginormous sarcasm there). There's only one person who i can trust to actually tell me the truth, and it suck's that we don't even go to the same school. I'm starting to realize that there is really pretty much no one that i can trust to tell me the truth anymore (besides that one friend lol). Ugh! I try to put both hope & faith into this person, because god put them in my life for a reason, but lately im just starting to give up. I dont want to say that, and i really dont want to beleive it but, lately i cant help it. And it is absolutely horrible that i cant say that to anyone in my life :(
There are way to many feelings that i keep inside about certain subjects, and about certain people but, no matter what i do or say it wont change anything :'(

Ima Newbie! :D

So, im completely new at blogging, never really done it before. Maybe i'll tell you about me to pass the time, maybe not. Hehe maybe a little bit. Im not really average, at all. Im that dorky person that randomly starts singing. I really love singing, more than anything. Its a great way to express what i feel. On those rare occasions i write lyrics, but usually never share them with people. I'm pretty carefree, yet i have a lot of emotions. It makes no sense what so ever. For some reason i don't know when to shut my mouth. Like, if someone around me, even if it's one of my best friends, is doing something i dont like, i'll call them out on it without even thinking about what im doing or saying. They usually get mad at me, and im like "urgh!". My cell phone is amazing! It's Green :). Bee tee double you (im a strong christian and proud of it!) I wear an abstinance ring every single day. And for those of you who don't know what that is, abstinance means no sex till marriage. Hard but completely worth it to me! Life's way to complicated between friends, home, school, boys, & church it's enough to make ya crazy :P. Especially when the guy know's you exist but, is completely oblivious. Hmmm wonder if he'll ever catch on....Probablly not. Oh wellz...that's high school, i suppose. Well, that's all for now. Probablly write something tommorow :) Peace out peoplez!